Let me start off this post by clarifying I am NOT pregnant. I repeat: NOT pregnant. However, I've recently had an experience (about two hours ago) that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.
I want to start at the beginning and give a little background on the subject. I have worked at my current job for about a year and a half. During the course of this employment venture, I have developed a friendly relationship with my boss. She frequently asks me about things that are going on in my life and is pretty well up to date with what is happening with my schooling, marriage, family, etc. We have some really good talks with one another regarding all of these topics. However, this morning when I went into work, I had a conversation with her that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since it occurred.
I have informed my boss that I will be leaving this job at the end of summer. Due to the fact that I am employed by Nevada State College, and given that I will no longer be attending school there in the fall, I technically lose my job. That being said, my boss has relentlessly tried to keep me. She has tried everything! She has pulled me into her office and tried to plan out a degree path for me, she has mentioned hiring me on as a full time staff member, part time staff member, etc. I appreciate these gestures because it shows she cares about my well-being, and wants me to succeed.
I have a couple of issues with school right now.
1. I am extremely close to obtaining my AA which means I will then have to pick a major
2. I have no idea what I want to be when I 'grow up'
3. Given that my husband is almost done with his BS, we will most likely be moving in about a year
4. I don't want to waste time or money taking classes I don't need, or wont transfer if we have to move for my husband's grad school.
That being said, I have seriously considered taking time off from school once I am finished with my AA.
This morning, as I was working, the topic of my leaving was brought up again. I hate these conversations, because every single time I have them with people in general there is always a tone of disappointment in their voices when I say I may not return to school after I finish my AA. Not to mention all the 'life advice' people seem to throw at you, even when you don't ask for it. Anyways, the conversations that I have regarding my leaving school always go a little something like this:
"I just really hate to see you leave. Most people leave college, and they don't come back!"
"So you're really just dropping out?"
"Even if you don't know what you want to do, at least keep taking classes"
*and my two personal favorites....
"Well what if you get pregnant, then you'll never finish your degree"
"Women who get pregnant before the age of 25 are 75% more likely to live below the poverty line"
So by the time my boss and co-worker stared giving me the usual run down, I could feel myself getting so irritated and annoyed. Not only to I feel as if I am never truly listened to, but it is extremely hard for me to express the way I feel to my boss. A 37 year old feminist who has never been married, doesn't have children, and has almost always chosen her career over everything else. Now I see nothing wrong with that. I have nothing against people who seek fulfillment through advancements in their careers. I think it's great.
I've never really had a good idea of what I would pursue as a career path, but one thing I have ALWAYS been sure of, is that I want to be a mom someday. Not tomorrow, maybe not even in five years, but one day. Both my mother, and my religion have fueled my desire to have children. And I want to raise my children similar to how my mother raised me. I have a wonderful mom. I was fortunate enough to have a mom who was able to stay home with my throughout my childhood, and that is exactly what I want to do once I have children. I don't want to miss out on important life events because I'm forced to work. Not to mention I know plenty of women who had children extremely young, and how gone back to school and have been successful. I truly believe that I can have my cake and eat it to.
So my question is this:
How do you explain this to someone?
I am aware that my views on having children are not shared by the world. Women nowadays are focusing on their careers more, and having children later on in life. That isn't something I'm interested in. I don't want to be 60 when my children are just hitting their 20's. I definitely want to be young when my children are having children. I want to be able to enjoy a nice big family and be healthy enough to do any activity my grandchildren can do. I want to be able to relate to my kids on a level that older parents can't. I wan't to be able to enjoy my retirement. I would like to go on a couples mission with my husband! I personally, think being a mother the most important thing a woman will ever do with her life. But how do I explain to people that a fancy corporate job will never truly be fulfilling to me. Never. The only way I will ever truly be fulfilled will be through raising, loving, enjoying, and spending as much time with my family as possible.
This doesn't make me 'stupid' and I don't feel like I'm 'putting everyone before me and my success'. I still value education. I'm not trying to belittle that. My point in all of this, is that I think motherhood is just as, if not more important that any other top career out there. It is not something to be taken lightly, and its not something you can do halfway, and then just give up. Motherhood is a life long job, and something that should be celebrated. I think it should be a priority, not a second thought.
With that being said, I love my husband. I love my Savior. I love my Parents. These are the only people I need to answer to.
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